In our constant quest to let you know what Larry the Cable Guy is up to, it is an honor to let you all know that he has been touring the country looking for the wildest flavors in America. That journey has taken him to check out the scene at NASCAR races.
Unluckily, Larry also suffers from frequent heartburn and so he has brought Prilosec OTC Wildberry with him as he samples the fiery foods found trackside.
Handball is, obviously, a fiery sport full of passion. In Italy, a country also known for its citizens occassionally being overly passionate, that reputation was only enhanced following a match when Ivan Stuffer took umbrage to a peck on the cheek from his opponent, Pasquale Maione.
Reacting in the most standard manner, Stuffer makes sure everyone knows he isn't gay by not overreacting whatsoever and calmly shoving Maione to the floor. To further prove his heterosexuality, Stuffer does the less-common-but-always-appreciated move of pulling his pants down and fondling himself in the direction of the crowd in the face of their derisive cheers.
To cap it off, Stuffer struts over to the fans, jeers at them and then proceeds to sit himself down amongst them.
His outburst earned him a two-game suspension.
Well played Stuffer, through your mature, level-headed actions you've shown everyone that you both tolerate people of all sexual orientations but also that you yourself have the patience of a monk.
Quick, Chick-Fil-A, sign this guy up as your new spokesman! I can see the commercials already.
I gotta say, he DOES live up to the title of handball-er, so there is that...
Golfer Jamie Sadlowski can flat-out crush the ball, having won multiple long drive competitions with a personal best of 455 yards—that's like, REALLY far. He stopped by the Golf Channel recently to take on Gary Williams in a drive-for-drive contest that quickly turned into no contest after Sadlowski's first shot.
Teeing off into a simulator, Sadlowski straight up pulverizes his shot THROUGH the simulator's screen.
I personally especially love how, because these men are golfers, they are both completely devoid of any personality and react almost robotically to the awesomeness in front of them.
With the NHL lockout approaching its 640th month it is now time for responsible journalists to look for new storylines, new ways the lockout has impacted the lives of fans everywhere.
That's how we come to this story from the Toronto Sun which claims that with hockey on ice, Canadians have turned to a more intimate way of passing the time: banging each other's brains out.
According to the article, one sex shop owner said that his business increased in size nearly 15%, something he equates to hockey's lockout.
"When Oilers fans, mostly guys, have to break their routine of seeing every game, they have more time," Vinay Morker of Hush Lingerie and More in Edmonton said. "And there’s nothing better than spending it with your spouse or girlfriend."
Morker said Hush’s main clientele is couples looking to “expand their horizons” and he’s seen a 15% jump in the sales of their sex toys, lingerie, games and sexual guides, like The Kama Sutra, since October.
How can the newspaper industry be dying with hard-hitting journalism and high quality investigative reports like this being published every day?
The Kansas City Chiefs' play on the field leaves much to be desired but who knew that rooting for the team was deadly? That was the case for one Loren "Sam" Lickteig whose recent obitiuary cast some of the blame for his death at the Chiefs' feet.
I always say, "If you're gonna go, might as well take some people out with ya," and it looks like Mr. Lickteig couldn't agree more.
Yankee closer extraordinaire Mariano Rivera is progressing in his rehab from a knee injury to the point where he has begun a throwing program. What better way to highlight that progress than by hawking the (presumably garbage-smelling) cologne that the team is putting out?
The people of England are an orderly sort; if they see a queue they'll blindly line up, even if they have no idea what about what it is they are lining up for in the first place. Showing off their best lemming-like attributes, hundreds of runners at the Heaton Memorial 10K in Newcastle were led wildly off-course after they noticed a cyclist wearing a bright jacket and followed him, believing him to be a race official.
He was not.
In fact, the cyclist was merely some local bloke out for a recreational spin.
Ultimately, the erroneous runners went a half-mile in the wrong direction until race officials were able to corral them and point them in the proper way.
"The cyclist was dressed in fluorescent clothing," the Heaton Harriers running club said in a statement, "and as the leading group of runners ran closer to him they mistook him to be a race official and mistakenly followed him to the right instead of carrying straight on.
"We apologise for any inconvenience caused and will take steps in future events to ensure this does not happen again."
If you're a strict literalist, Buffalo Bills fan Jerry Wojcik is your man. After signing up for a text-messaging service from the team that was supposed to send 5 messages a week, Wojcik found himself buried under a deluge of messages and has started a class-action suit against the team for their "excessive" messages.
It seems that Wojcik received a grand total of three more text messages than the team said they would send (over a period of several weeks.)
According to his lawsuit, Wojcik claims that during the week of September 23-29 he received SIX messages instead of five. Then, to compound his horror, the week of October 14-20 he received SEVEN messages.
Frankly, I'm amazed that Wojcik is even able to still stand after suffering the way he has.
If these are the freedoms that the terrorists want to take away, I'm OK with that.
When the Toronto Argonauts defeated the Edmonton Eskimos on Sunday to advance one step closer to the famed CFL Grey Cup you would think that first-year coach Scott Milanovich would be quite excited about the moment. His players certainly were, giving their coach the requisite Gatorade bath, which also resulted in one of the best, stone cold reactions to frozen liquids being thrown on someone.
"I was mad," Milanovich said. "I said, 'This is not the Grey Cup.' This is just one of three steps we want to take."
Denver Broncos stud defensive player Von Miller was excited when his team took down Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton for a safety on Sunday, showing off his version of the Safety Dance. Take THAT Men at Work.