Like any true sportsman (nod Lance Armstrong) you're out there trying to get an edge on your competition. First it was training with those Vibram five-fingered toe shoes but as comfortable and useful as they are it is impossible to walk around in them and not look a bit odd.
Thankfully, Vibram's former CEO has come up with a solution for us: Camel-toe shoes.
At long last your feet can look like your favorite cooter display!
The shoes from ToPo Athletic range from $100-130 but really, you can't put a price on every step reminding you of a vagina.
After months of being locked out, the NHL is finally almost ready to resume play. For those puckheads who can't wait until Saturday, here is some hot ice action from Mother Russia and the KHL All Star game where Jori Lehtera shows off during the shoot-out contest.
Normally players like to take their best whack at the puck, but the Finnish centerman goes a different route, opting for a less-is-more approach.
A 2008 draft pick of the St. Louis Blues, Lehtera is yet to ply his trade on this side of the Atlantic but with moves like this that may soon change.
Say you're Matt Kemp, superstar baseball stud, multi-millionaire, former lover of Rihanna, presumably you don't have too much trouble meeting beautiful women to bath you lovingly with their tongues.
However, that might change after Kemp's newest tattoo.
On the one hand, having a giant portrait of his grandparents (in honor of his recently deceased grandfather) displayed over his heart might be seen as sweet and endearing to some women, and yet, on the other hand, "why is Grams staring at me disapprovingly as I patiently kneel here awaiting for your bukkake explosion?"
Talk about a mood-killer...
Other than the sexual-cooler aspect of the tattoos, I gotta say, the ink work by Jun Cha is pretty impressive.
(One other potential—temporary—turn-off for the ladies: Kemp's half shaved chest. Yum!)
In our constant quest to let you know what Larry the Cable Guy is up to, it is an honor to let you all know that he has been touring the country looking for the wildest flavors in America. That journey has taken him to check out the scene at NASCAR races.
Unluckily, Larry also suffers from frequent heartburn and so he has brought Prilosec OTC Wildberry with him as he samples the fiery foods found trackside.
Handball is, obviously, a fiery sport full of passion. In Italy, a country also known for its citizens occassionally being overly passionate, that reputation was only enhanced following a match when Ivan Stuffer took umbrage to a peck on the cheek from his opponent, Pasquale Maione.
Reacting in the most standard manner, Stuffer makes sure everyone knows he isn't gay by not overreacting whatsoever and calmly shoving Maione to the floor. To further prove his heterosexuality, Stuffer does the less-common-but-always-appreciated move of pulling his pants down and fondling himself in the direction of the crowd in the face of their derisive cheers.
To cap it off, Stuffer struts over to the fans, jeers at them and then proceeds to sit himself down amongst them.
His outburst earned him a two-game suspension.
Well played Stuffer, through your mature, level-headed actions you've shown everyone that you both tolerate people of all sexual orientations but also that you yourself have the patience of a monk.
Quick, Chick-Fil-A, sign this guy up as your new spokesman! I can see the commercials already.
I gotta say, he DOES live up to the title of handball-er, so there is that...
Golfer Jamie Sadlowski can flat-out crush the ball, having won multiple long drive competitions with a personal best of 455 yards—that's like, REALLY far. He stopped by the Golf Channel recently to take on Gary Williams in a drive-for-drive contest that quickly turned into no contest after Sadlowski's first shot.
Teeing off into a simulator, Sadlowski straight up pulverizes his shot THROUGH the simulator's screen.
I personally especially love how, because these men are golfers, they are both completely devoid of any personality and react almost robotically to the awesomeness in front of them.
With the NHL lockout approaching its 640th month it is now time for responsible journalists to look for new storylines, new ways the lockout has impacted the lives of fans everywhere.
That's how we come to this story from the Toronto Sun which claims that with hockey on ice, Canadians have turned to a more intimate way of passing the time: banging each other's brains out.
According to the article, one sex shop owner said that his business increased in size nearly 15%, something he equates to hockey's lockout.
"When Oilers fans, mostly guys, have to break their routine of seeing every game, they have more time," Vinay Morker of Hush Lingerie and More in Edmonton said. "And there’s nothing better than spending it with your spouse or girlfriend."
Morker said Hush’s main clientele is couples looking to “expand their horizons” and he’s seen a 15% jump in the sales of their sex toys, lingerie, games and sexual guides, like The Kama Sutra, since October.
How can the newspaper industry be dying with hard-hitting journalism and high quality investigative reports like this being published every day?
The Kansas City Chiefs' play on the field leaves much to be desired but who knew that rooting for the team was deadly? That was the case for one Loren "Sam" Lickteig whose recent obitiuary cast some of the blame for his death at the Chiefs' feet.
I always say, "If you're gonna go, might as well take some people out with ya," and it looks like Mr. Lickteig couldn't agree more.
Yankee closer extraordinaire Mariano Rivera is progressing in his rehab from a knee injury to the point where he has begun a throwing program. What better way to highlight that progress than by hawking the (presumably garbage-smelling) cologne that the team is putting out?
The people of England are an orderly sort; if they see a queue they'll blindly line up, even if they have no idea what about what it is they are lining up for in the first place. Showing off their best lemming-like attributes, hundreds of runners at the Heaton Memorial 10K in Newcastle were led wildly off-course after they noticed a cyclist wearing a bright jacket and followed him, believing him to be a race official.
He was not.
In fact, the cyclist was merely some local bloke out for a recreational spin.
Ultimately, the erroneous runners went a half-mile in the wrong direction until race officials were able to corral them and point them in the proper way.
"The cyclist was dressed in fluorescent clothing," the Heaton Harriers running club said in a statement, "and as the leading group of runners ran closer to him they mistook him to be a race official and mistakenly followed him to the right instead of carrying straight on.
"We apologise for any inconvenience caused and will take steps in future events to ensure this does not happen again."