England won against Slovenia on Wednesday, advancing them to the second round. While some might want to thank Jemaine Defoe for scoring the winning goal, or keeper David James who kept the Slovenians off the board but the real credit belongs back in England with Ed Prynn, the Archdruid of Cornwall.
Prynn, a 73-year-old mystic announced that he had removed a curse placed on the English squad by an African witch doctor and that the team is free to play their normal game.
"They will feel like a big black cloud has passed over and it will be a new beginning. People will probably think I've lost my marbles but when the bird landed on the goal during the Algeria game on Friday, it was like a red light telling me the team were in trouble. They were doomed.
"I felt it was my time to help England so I went to a stone hexagon with a hole in the middle and took the curse with me mentally from the east as I passed through the stone to face the west.
"I said to all the angels, mother nature and spirits that are connected with the beyond to help lift the curse off the England team for the rest of the time they in Africa.
"I will know if my spell has worked straight away on Wednesday and England will win – even if it's a penalty shoot- out."
The team won, so clearly Prynn's magic worked. I hope the denizens of the UK appreciate his work. Of course, this isn't the first time we've seen curses being used against soccer players...